400 Days of Solitude
by WiseSarah
Summary: Sometimes all you can do is accept your fate. Sometimes you screw up so bad that you hurt other people and then you have deal with the consequences. But how do you live without your other half? Can I really live with out Kurt? / Post 4x04
1. Chapter 1

_HELLO WORLD! This is my first attempt at writing Glee Fan fiction. So I hope it isn't too craptastic. I don't have a Beta-reader so volunteers are welcome._

_DISCLAIMER: Anything you recognize does not belong to me. I don't own anything Glee related and NERVER will. So don't sue me._

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**Day 1**

You know that feeling you get when the person you love texts you or sends you a message on Facebook? It's that feeling of absolute joy that courses through your veins and makes you feel like you can fly, and maybe you could, if you weren't glued to your seat with anticipation.

It had been 12 days, and six hours, since the last contact I'd received from Kurt when my phone dinged and my heart soared. That's also exactly three seconds before my heart slammed down and tried to escape into the cold ground. It took four words for my life to come crashing down around me again.

**We need to talk. **

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**Day 8**

"Blaine Warbler, I don't understand," Brittany sighs. Her head is resting on my shoulder as we sit alone in my car. "I've been through break-ups before but this time it feels the time I found Lord Tubbington running a drug ring out of his litter box."

"It's because you love her, Brittany. You just love her so much," I say, checking my phone for the millionth time for any sort of message from Kurt. I had been given a time and a place and I'd received no other messages from Kurt since. I think it was almost cruel making us meet at a coffee shop exactly halfway between Lima and New York; I probably deserved it. Ironically, we were also meeting the same weekend I was supposed to originally come to New York.

"I know but it still hurts my heart. Is this where heartburn comes from?" I feel bad as I tune Brittany out as she debates with herself. I'd brought her along because she'd been taking her own break-up particularly hard. In fact, the Glee club had taken to keeping her company as much as possible. We didn't want her to go through another melt down.

"Oh my God," I breathed. Kurt's car pulls in and slips into a spot opposite from mine. Kurt steps out of his car and turns his jacket collar up against the wind. In four long strides he steps up onto the curb and turns to survey the parking lot. I sink in my seat a little as his eyes latch onto my car.

"Blaine, look there he is!" She points and waves at Kurt. Kurt does a small wave and smiles slightly at Brittany. Finally, after a few uncomfortable moments of staring, he turns and enters the coffee shop.

"Okay. I'm going," I say attempting to reassure myself. I open the door and step outside.

"Tell Kurt I said Hi!" Brittany says before turning her attention to the radio.

I wipe my sweaty hands on my pants and cross the road. I peek over my shoulder at Brittany and she gives me a thumbs up. Despite her moral support I feel like I am dying. My heart races and I almost puke just opening the door. I remind myself to appear calm and take a deep breath. I got myself into this mess, it's my fault.

"Blaine, over here," Kurt says from a booth in a far corner. He has a cup in front of him and one across the table. I slide into the vinyl booth and take a deep breath.

"Kurt, I-"

"No," he says quietly, "let me talk first. Also, that's for you."

"Thank you," I say as I wrap my hands around the cup so they will stop shaking. My mind races a million miles a minute. I know this was it.

"I need you to listen and give me time to finish," he says dipping his head and searching my eyes for understanding. I nod and swallow trying to clear the lump building up in my throat. "Blaine, I love you. I love you more than you can imagine. But, I'm terrified that I'm in love with the idea of you. I'm scared that I love what you did for me more than who you are as a person. I'm scared that I'm in love with the younger you. The one that I met at Dalton. The one that helped turn me into the person I am today-"

"Kurt, I am still that person," my voice falters and I can feel tears well up in my eyes.

"Please, don't interrupt me. Blaine, you are still that person. I'm not being fair. It's me that's changed. It's-," he seems to search the air around the table for the right wording. "I- I think it's as if maybe I've outgrown you. Not like outgrowing a sweater or a pair of shoes, but like we're almost on different planets completely. I'm trying to figure out my life and how everything fits into it. You-," he pauses again eyeing me. "You cheated on me. I can't have that in my life. I deserve a boyfriend that respects me in every way. I know it was hard for you. That's why I don't think it's fair for either of us for us to keep dating. You need freedom and I need time to get myself together before I can even think about being able to juggle a relationship. You're in high school. Enjoy it. Date a cute boy and find out what you want in life. This is the time for you to make mistakes. I'm just... past that point," he blinks away his own tears away and nods at me. "Do you understand?"

"No, I don't understand. Kurt, you act like there's some huge age difference between us," I feel insulted and upset. "What sort of wisdom does three weeks in New York give you? I get it. I screwed up, again, there is nothing I can do about it. Kurt, I am so sorry," I say as tears flow freely. I feel like all the air in the room has been sucked out and I feel myself trying to gulp down what was left. "I screwed up that night at the bar-"

"Blaine-" he interrupts.

"No. Now it's my turn. I messed up that night at the bar. I messed up again when I allowed myself to let Eli flirt with me and let it go to far. But, please, know I'm so sorry," I feel eyes on the back of my head but I have to make this right. "I'll do better. I swear."

"So his name was Eli-," he shakes his head. " No that's wrong of me. Blaine. Blaine Anderson. You did mess up, but I know you're sorry. You are human just like everyone else. But, for both of our sakes I really do think we need to be adults here," he reaches over and pats the back of my hand. I jerk it away and inhale deeply.

"Please, don't do this to me. Please. Give me one more chance," I beg.

"Blaine, no. You need to go back to Lima and not be tied to me. That way neither of us can hurt the other by our actions. There are more fish in the sea and one day you'll find one for you. You'll always be my first true love but we both need for this to end and stop hurting each other," he pulls a few bills from his wallet and lays them on the table. Tears are streaming down both of our faces. As much as I am hurt this was tearing him apart too. "This is so hard for me. Part of me wants to take it all back and just go back to Lima with you. But, I have to put things into perspective and move forward."

"So, I'm holding you back? I've-"

"God, Blaine. Come outside with me," he says turning on his heel and walking towards the door. I slide out of the booth and smile apologetically at the people I pass on the way out. I step outside and stand in front of him. I look up at him and feel my heart-break, I'm standing close enough to smell his cologne and for a moment it's too much. "Blaine, I do want to keep in touch. I understand if it's too much being just friends."

"This is just so cliché," I turn away from him and inhale trying to get the smell of his cologne out of my nose. I start nodding. I can't let him go. "Okay. Fine, if that's what you want."

"It really is Blaine," he smiles as if he wasn't ripping my heart from my chest. Almost like it's all going to be okay. He then pulls me in for a hug and I almost want to kiss him. To see how he'd react. To make him see this lie he's trying to sell me. Instead, I don't have the courage to do anything other than smile and nod through a goodbye.

It feels like the end of my world and the beginning of my own personal Hell.

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Was it any good? Reviews are forever appreciated. I'll update this ASAP and really just hope you liked it. DO NOT WORRY. I promise stuff works itself out.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: if you recognize it I do NOT own it. I don't own Glee, Grease, or Elvis. If I did my family wouldn't be in debt. THUS, don't sue me.**

THANK YOU, to all my lovely subscribers and reviewers! You guys are FABULOUS!

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**Day 10**

The first day back to school was the hardest. Brittany had unintentionally filled the Glee club in on what had happened and now I could feel their stares when I passed in the hallway. I went through my classes almost robotically. At the end of the day I'm not sure I had retained a single word. The problem was that every time I settled into my seat for a class my thoughts would drift to Kurt. My brain was purposely torturing me. I would look at desk and think, 'That's where Kurt used to sit.' Then seemingly random things would draw me back, 'That's the locker I sat against at Kurt's first prom.' I was starting to fear that it was actually going to drive me insane.

Eventually the questions started. Tina would ask me if I was alright every time she saw me. Artie kept asking how it went. To be honest I didn't have the heart to tell them. I know they were my friends but a part of me kept thinking about how they were Kurt's friends first. I came from Dalton to be with Kurt and they really owe nothing to me. I was feeling guilty about my own friends and it just sucked. I had been able to dodge most of the questions when Finn cornered me on the way to the Choir room.

"Dude, what happened this weekend? I tried to get Kurt to tell me but he just hung up on me. He told me some excuse about having to go deal with a incoming package of leather chaps," Finn asked, putting his hands in the pockets of jeans.

"Nothing really. We talked and he broke up with me. There's not much to tell," I said.

"Did you apologize, again?" Finn asked. He smiled at Tina as she passed us walking into the choir room.

"Of course! Finn, you have to believe that this is something I'll regret for... what feels like the rest of my life. I've hurt the person I love and there's nothing I can do about it," I said.

He nodded a few times and we sat in silence as he seemed to let it soak in. "Blaine, I consider you my friend, I really do. But you have to understand that Kurt is my brother. I will always be on his side. So while you're my friend, I'm always going to be looking out for Kurt's best interests."

"I understand. Of course, I wouldn't want it any other way. You are a great brother," I said. He smiled and clapped my on the shoulder before walking into the choir room.

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**Day 10: Part 2**

"Are you even listening to me?"

"Cooper, That's fantastic I just have other things on my mind," I said into the phone receiver. Cooper had just been cast as a "featured" extra in some indie movie.

"I know. You're just stressed over which side is your good side. I went through the same thing. The trick-"

"No, that's not it," I said interrupting. "It's just that me and Kurt... are having some problems."

"You are?" he said pausing. "That will be emotional gold when you start with method acting." My phone vibrates and I look down at the screen. I gasped realizing it was Kurt calling.

"Actually, Cooper, let me call you back tomorrow. Kurt's calling and it's getting pretty late," we say goodbye quickly and I hang up and call back Kurt. I counted the rings as my heart thumped in my ears.

"Hello? Blaine?" Kurt said on the other end of the line.

"Hi, Kurt. You called?" I couldn't help but get my hopes up. I was still upset with some of the things he had said but I couldn't really hold that against him. I tried to keep my voice nonchalant so I wouldn't mess this up by sounding too eager.

"Yes. I did," he said with a hint of a nervous laugh in his tone. "Remember, I said I really wanted to stay friends? I just wanted to check in on you."

"Just wanted to check in on me?" I questioned. There were so many things I wanted to say. Usually when he called one of us would just launch into some conversation. There was never any awkwardness. This call was different. It seemed almost forced.

"Yeah. I mean how was school? Finn tells me Glee clubs doing Grease. Are you going to audition?" I hear some papers being shuffled in the background and the beep of a microwave.

"School is fine I guess. I actually won Senior Class President. As for Grease, Um... Maybe. I'm not sure yet," I said. Our conversation continued and we only really touch on light topics like school and the weather. As the conversation progressed I found Kurt trying to grasp for topics. It was like he was trying to delay something. "Kurt, not to be rude but is this really why you called?"

"Yes and no. I do really want to keep in touch. However, I do need a bit of a favor. I think I may have left some clothes at you house. It's no rush but I have this fabulous idea for this sweater that I'm almost certain I left over there one day. If you could give my clothes to Finn at some point that would be fantastic," he said. He went on to talk about some spread they were doing for their winter feature online. So this was that awkward conversation that was bound to happen. He wanted his stuff back.

I interrupted him, "Fine. Sure, Kurt, I'll get it to Finn in the morning."

"Thank you so much!" I said as a beep interrupted us, "Oops! Gotta go. That's a call from my work. Bye, Blaine."

"Bye, Kurt," I said as the phone clicked. Dead air filled the line and I put the phone back on its charger. "Love you." I looked around the room and started mindlessly grabbing stuff from drawers and tossing it on my bed. I ripped his clothes from my drawers, I threw mix cd's and books from my shelves. I even found myself ripping notes we'd passed in class and stuffing them under my bed. When I was content that I'd almost erased him from my room I went over to my desk and picked up a picture frame. Behind the thin glass was a picture of Kurt I'd taken first thing one morning. Well, more like THE morning. I'd woken up before him to look over and see his hair ruffled and his face so peaceful he looked almost angelic. He'd taken the picture from me claiming that I could one day use it as blackmail. Little did I know Kurt had put it in a frame and gave it to me as an end of year present. I carefully pulled away the back of the frame and slipped the picture out. I found an envelope and slid it inside. I sealed it before flipping it over. I wrote 'Definitely Not Blackmail' on it and tossed it in top of the pile. Finally, I found an old box from a TV and folded his clothes into it.

My dreams that night were something like a nightmare. I kept seeing myself kissing Kurt and Eli coming in and standing in a doorway. Then, when I turned to explain to Kurt, they would be switched and Kurt would be standing into the doorway.

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**Day 15**

Today was supposed to be the day I stopped wallowing in self-pity. I woke up this morning and felt this sort-of ok feeling. I had dressed in record time and was the first one down stairs. I sat at the kitchen island with a bowl of Cinnamon Toast Crunch and reviewed some notes for a science test. About ten minutes later I heard my fathers footsteps coming down the stairs. I jumped up and rinsed my bowl out in the sink before turning to face him. He was in his usual suit and had a briefcase with him. He sat it on the bar and filled his reusable coffee cup up.

"You're up early," he practically grunted.

"Yeah. I needed to study some more for this science test I have," I looked down at my shoes and fiddled with a button on my sweater.

"That's good. You need to study. You'll have more time for girls when you're in college," he said chuckling. All I could think of was, 'Not this again.' I guess I should have been happy he only thinks it's a phase. I guess after I told them they could have reacted badly and threw me out or something. I know they love me as their child but they really accept the fact I'm gay. They both handle it in different ways though. My mom is always trying to set me up with the daughters of people she works with. However, my dad is more subtle. He tries to get me involved with things he deems 'masculine'. I sighed and looked up at him.

"Dad, I like other guys," I said trying to make him understand.

"That's what you keep saying. However, you never bring that Carter or whoever around," he said eyeing the clock on the wall. My father was notorious for leaving for work early and returning home late. I assumed he enjoyed his job as a lawyer but I'm almost certain it was just to be away from the house as much as possible. Whether it was because of me or not was up for debate.

"It was Kurt, dad. It doesn't matter anyways now," I sigh and rub my eyes.

"You're a late bloomer as your mother is always saying. Wait until college and the girls will be all over you. Anyhow, I gotta go. Good luck with your math test," he said.

"Science, Dad. See you," I said. He turns and leaves as I grab my bag off the back of a nearby chair. I walked out into the garage in time to see him pulling away from the curb and taking off for work. I grabbed my car keys off the key rack and slid into the driver seat.

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"Alright, guys. Today is the Grease audition!" Mr. Schuester spun on his heel and wrote Grease in big letters on the whiteboard. "I know you're all excited for audition and I wish you the best of luck. Artie has agreed to direct the musical again this year. But, our assistant director will be... Finn Hudson," Finn entered the room much to the applause of the Glee club. "Auditions will be at six in the auditorium."

The Glee club all filed out of the room and headed off to our next classes. I turned down the hall headed for science when Brittany tapped on my shoulder.

"Blaine Warbler, as current Senior class president, I would like to be your be your public relations specialist. I think together we can spread the topics you're to the student body," Brittany said.

"I don't know, Brittany. Do I need a PR?" I questioned.

Brittany's eyes widened. "Of course! Like, I know you're passionate about dolphin rights. Everyone needs to know that dolphin's are just gay sharks and there is nothing to be afraid of."

"I guess you can, Brittany. But you'd have to actually come to the Student Council meetings," I said.

"I guess. Don't tell anyone but Lord Tubbington is in my locker so I have to go feed him. See you later, Blaine," Brittany skipped off toward her locker and left me standing there confused.

The rest of my day went rather uneventfully. I considered my day a success when I was able to go three class periods without thinking about Kurt. I ended the day with my science test and went directly to the auditorium after the final bell.

"Welcome, everyone! We'll start with auditions for the role of Sandy. You can audition for whatever spot you want to and you will be given equal consideration for all the roles.," Artie said before shouting instructions to everyone. I sat in my seat and looked over my song as auditions started. Forty minutes had passed when I was finally called up.

"Blaine, what are you singing for us today?" Finn asked from the desk set up in the auditorium.

"I'm going to do "Hound Dog" by Elvis Presley," I turn around for the beginning and wait for the song to begin. I'd wanted to do something emotional but I knew that would be doing me no favors at getting a role. So instead I settled on "Hound Dog". My Mom used to sing it to me when I was little, actually. We'd be riding in the car with her and I'd beg for her to sing the "dog song". I guess the real reason I picked it was because I was comfortable in its familiarity.

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So that was this chapter! Was it any good? Reviews are forever appreciated, even negative ones if containing constructive criticism. This is my first fan fiction and its all a learning process. I know it's almost in drabble format but I wanted it to sort of mirror the way Glee is and show bursts of the character's life.


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